


Standard Courtship Rituals

by OneOfThoseThings



Series: Nice Things; Good Things [9]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (basically), Background Poly, Chapters Tagged by Pairing, Dating, F/F, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Rating Rounded Up (for Safety)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:20:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29782248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneOfThoseThings/pseuds/OneOfThoseThings
Summary: After one month of traveling together with no one dying, an anniversary celebration seems appropriate. The group pairs off for ten traditional dates. Or as traditional as it gets with the Doctor, his part-human metacrisis, Donna, Rose, and Jack....So not all that traditional. But in pairs.
Relationships: Donna Noble/Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness/Donna Noble, Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Donna Noble, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Donna Noble, Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness, Tenth Doctor/Metacrisis Tenth Doctor, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Series: Nice Things; Good Things [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932247
Comments: 52
Kudos: 39





	1. Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as usual, to my beloved beta reader, Quercusrobur, for putting up with this.

Rose was the one who worked it out, though she didn’t remember it until they were halfway into bed. 

“Hey!” She sat up suddenly, startling Donna and the metacrisis Doctor, who nearly knocked the Time Lord off the bed. 

"Oi!" “What?!” “Rose!” 

Jack poked his head back out of the ensuite, slurring around a mouthful of toothpaste. “Wha’s with all the shouting?” 

“It’s our anniversary!” Rose said over the grumbling. “I worked it out!” 

“Anniversary of _what?”_ the Doctor asked.

“Worked _what_ out _?”_ the metacrisis Doctor added. 

“OK, _technically_ the TARDIS worked it out,” Rose admitted. “But it’s based on the timer I had her set for my birth control.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Donna said. “She hit me with the flashbulb a few days ago. Guess that _does_ mean it’s been about a month.” 

“A month since _what?”_ the Doctor asked. 

“Since we, y’know,” Rose gestured expansively, “started up as a group.” 

“…And that’s… significant?” 

“Well, _of course_ it is!” Donna jumped in before Rose had to figure out how to deal with that. “We should mark the occasion somehow!” 

“How?” the metacrisis Doctor asked blankly. 

“We cou’―hang on―” Jack disappeared back into the ensuite, spat, and reappeared. “We could go on a date? Still haven’t done that yet.” 

The Doctor squawked. “What do you call―?” 

“Ooh, we could all go on individual dates!” Donna cut him off. “Pair up so we all get some one-on-one celebration!” 

“That’s so cute!” Rose agreed immediately. 

“I’ll make a chart in the morning!” Donna snuck in for an enthusiastic kiss. “I should’ve gone in with girls so much earlier!” 

“Oi!” “Hey!” _“Hey!”_

“Oh, you know what I mean!” 


	2. Doctor/ Donna

The Doctor had no idea why Donna wanted to sit on a boat and wait for a river to move them downstream, but it was hardly the most unreasonable request she’d ever made. Even with the costumes.

“I don’t see why I had to change,” he grumbled, tugging at a confusingly tucked sleeve that left his entire underarm exposed. 

“It’s an _experience,”_ Donna said, lounging in her own linen drapery. “Don’t you want the _full_ Nile experience?” 

“I’m fairly certain that anti-grav brassieres aren’t part of authentic Ancient Egyptian costume,” he pointed out. 

“If you’re offering to hold the girls up, then by all means, but otherwise the bra stays.” Donna lazily adjusted one of the overhanging cloths. “Now stop stalking around the boat and come over here. I was promised refreshments and proximity!”

The Doctor sat next to her under the canopy, looking around. “Are you proposing we fish?”

Donna snorted. “As much as I’d like to see that, I meant the grapes I told you to bring.” 

“Ah, the grapes,” the Doctor reached into the subspace pouch he’d hastily installed and pulled out the fruit. “Since when are you so fond of grapes?”

“It’s _part_ of the _experience,”_ Donna enunciated, drawing out the syllables like he might be having trouble hearing. She patted the cushion between her knees. “Sit here and lean back.” 

The Doctor did so and Donna pressed in from behind. “Oh, you’re still cold!” She got her legs in as well, wrapping around him like a marmoset. “Oh, that’s lovely…” She gave him a full-body squeeze. “We should have done this earlier!” 

“Done _what_ earlier? We’re still not _doing_ much of anything!” 

“Hopeless,” Donna sighed, and pulled him back into a slightly awkward recline. “Here, lean back and open up.” One hand pressed his head back into her neck and the other popped a grape into his mouth. 

“Mmph!” He chewed and swallowed. “ _This_ is what you want to do? Lie around and feed me grapes?”

“Mmhmm.” The hand on his forehead stroked a little, edging into petting. “On our own little cruise down the Nile with the pyramids in the background.” 

“You can’t even see the pyramids from here,” the Doctor pointed out, but took the next grape that was offered. 

“Just humor me,” Donna said and gave him another squeeze. 

It certainly wasn’t the _worst_ position he’d been stuck in.

* * *

The Doctor preferred feeding Donna the grapes, once she let him up. For one thing, she was surprisingly pliant, like the warm weather was serving as some sort of sedative. For another, with her mouth full of grapes, he was allowed to tell her ‘whatever random trivia’ he wanted to ‘ramble on about.’ (Her words.)

“I can’t be blamed for the sphynx. This is why conversion matrices matter! …Are you _sure_ this is a date?” 

Donna blinked her eyes open, not asleep at least. “Hm? What?” 

“How is this any different than sitting on the couch? Aside from the mild risk of UVA radiation.” He shifted them back again, pulling her toes away from the encroaching sun. 

Donna tilted a look up at him. “Is this your way of asking for a snog?” 

“What?” he blustered. “No! I’m merely asking―“

“You can have a snog,” Donna interrupted. “You don’t even have to ask.” She turned over, a bit awkwardly, but pressed right back in. 

“That’s not what I― mmm…” 

It was definitely a date. 


	3. Metacrisis Doctor/ Jack

“Well,” the metacrisis Doctor drawled, “should I just take my clothes off now or are we going to a second location?” 

Jack grinned, but pulled him toward the console instead of the corridor. “ _I’ll_ never advise _anyone_ to keep their clothes on, but I was thinking we could make a day of it. Maybe… the fire festival of the Dife Cluster? Have you been?” 

The metacrisis Doctor didn’t point out that _he_ technically hadn’t been to most places. “The last time I was there, Dife didn’t even have a stable atmosphere. When did they get into fire festivals?” 

“After the second meteor, I think.” Jack tapped at the screen, suspecting the TARDIS was helping more than his prodding. She whirred and pulled up the cluster. “It hits its peak a few centuries before the third meteor, if memory serves.” 

The metacrisis Doctor peered at the screen curiously. _“This_ is what _you_ want to do? A festival?” He shot him a look out of the corner of his eye. “Is this heading for virgin sacrifices that somehow have to be thwarted with public sex?” 

“Don’t be so suspicious!” Jack said, and surreptitiously adjusted the timeline by half a century. “I’m just suggesting a nice festival for our date!” 

The metacrisis Doctor scoffed, but started fiddling with the controls. “I’m not having sex in or on a volcano. This body is _flammable!_ ”

“Baby, don’t I know it,” Jack said with a wink. 

* * *

The fire festival was just as spectacular as Jack remembered. It was a celebration of light and life, warm and glowing. They even had a firebird this time. 

“Have you been here before?” the metacrisis Doctor asked. 

Jack nodded. “Back in my Time Agency days. Completely terraformed by humans by now,” he explained. “No extra senses needed!” He stepped too close to one of the brightly lit displays and hissed at the heat. “A few less might be better, actually.” The metacrisis Doctor was giving him a funny look. “…What?” 

_“You_ picked a human-centric festival for _me?”_ Dark eyes bored into him, simultaneously ancient and all too human. 

_“I_ happen to be human _too!”_ Jack pointed out. He wiggled his human fingers, the tips of which were still a bit red from the flaming kebabs earlier. “No extra senses for me either!” 

“Hm,” the metacrisis Doctor hummed skeptically, but caught the hand he had up, examining it. “Even with your existing senses, you should know better than to grab something that’s on fire.” He prodded gently at the braised skin. 

“Do I get a kiss to make it better?” Jack asked hopefully. 

The metacrisis Doctor scoffed, but did indeed press a quick kiss to his index and middle finger tips. Dark eyes regarded him steadily, Jack’s hand still pressed to his lips. “Like so?” 

“You know…” Jack took a half step closer, moving fully into the other’s space. “I think I might have burned my lip too.”

“Did you now?” The metacrisis Doctor smirked at him. 

“Oh, yeah.” Jack smirked right back, close enough to feel warm breath puffing against his own face. “I might need a Doctor.” 

The human Doctor’s smile was just as warm when it pressed into his. 


	4. Donna/ Rose

On the second day, Donna wasted no time bundling Rose into the control room. “Where should we go for our date? A star field ball? A cloud city festival?”

Rose leaned in. “Have you ever been to those Japanese hot springs where you bathe under the stars?” 

Donna’s eyes lit up and she tugged the command screen around. “There’s a whole planet like that in the Lunal Belt. A resort culture grew up around it in the 47th century.” 

The human Doctor chimed in. “You realize you’re not allowed to have sex in the sacred hot springs, yes?” 

Donna waved him off. “Oh, we’re not going to have sex in the hot springs.”

Rose whipped around. “We’re _not?_ ”

“Shhh,” Donna shushed her. “Ot-nay in ont-fray of e-thay aliens-hay.” 

“Are you having some sort of stroke?” the Doctor asked. “The TARDIS didn’t register that as a language.” 

“Right as rain!” Donna said cheerily, and hit the dematerialization switch. 

* * *

The sacred springs of the Lunal Belt were laid out under gorgeous blue skies. Steam rose from the pools, obscuring any other lifeforms and giving it a dreamlike feel. 

“This is perfect,” Rose moaned, stretched out in the heat like a water nymph in repose. 

“Just about,” Donna agreed, and casually nudged her way in behind. 

Rose was perfectly happy to lean against her instead of the wall, stretching her arms up to drape casually around her neck. “Mm, I spoke too soon.” She arched her back, brushing Donna’s inner wrist as she crossed her arms in front. “Thought we weren’t allowed to fool around in here?” 

“Oh, we aren’t,” Donna confirmed, dropping her voice lower. “It would be,” her wrist rubbed more pointedly, “ _completely_ inappropriate.” 

“That said…'' Rose sighed and slid one hand down and up the nape of Donna’s neck, shoulders flexing against stiffening curves. “Not like there’re guards or anything…”

“Well,” Donna hooked one leg over, casually spreading them both. “Suppose we could… help each other get clean?” One hand snuck down beneath the surface. “No rules against that, right?” 

Rose brought her other leg up. “Can’t imagine there would be.” 

* * *

“Well, well, well,” Jack propped a hip against the cell door, grinning. “What do we have here?” 

Rose and Donna gave him baleful looks, perched awkwardly in ornate robes. 

“Can you get them to let us outta here?” Rose asked. 

“I can get mostly anyone to do nearly anything.” Jack smiled even wider and inclined his head. The guard came up beside him, several eyes narrowed, but let them out without comment. “Thank you kindly,” Jack said with a tip of an invisible hat. “Captain Jack Harkness, by the way. And who might you be?” 

“Not now!” Rose and Donna bundled him out.

Jack grinned at them. “How far did you get before the guards got you?” Both women turned slightly pink. “Round two?” he guessed, and they went a bit pinker. “Three?”

“Stop guessing!” Donna snapped.

Rose coughed something that sounded suspiciously like, “Two.”

“Rose!” 

“Oh, c’mon! _Jack’s_ not going to tell on us!” 

Jack raised a hand to his heart. “It would go against everything I stand for.” 


	5. Doctor/ Metacrisis Doctor

“Right,” the human Doctor turned to the Time Lord. “What do you want to do? Maintenance? The shielding could always use tuning…”

The Doctor frowned at him. “TARDIS maintenance isn’t a date-appropriate activity. Donna was very clear about that when we were researching.” 

The human Doctor gave him a baffled look. “Well, what do you want to do? Go for a stroll at sunset and tell each other secrets?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous; we have the same memories. What would be the point of that?” 

“Still having trouble with the concept of sarcasm, are we?” The human Doctor rolled his eyes. “What _do_ you propose then?” 

The Time Lord leaned over and sniffed him. “A bath.”

“Oi!” 

“I’ll join you,” the Doctor said, leading them toward Rose’s bath, which was the largest at the moment. 

“Oh _will_ you?” the human Doctor scoffed, but didn’t fight him off. 

* * *

The Time Lord took some time before he’d even let the other near the tub, insisting on trimming his nails and trying to brush his teeth, before the other yanked the brush away and did it himself. “I’m not a Pomeranian!” 

“No one said you were,” the Doctor said, but gave his hair a look that lasted just a bit too long. “Perhaps a shower first?” 

“Sure you don’t want to just hose me down out back?” the human Doctor snapped, but shoved his jacket off. 

The Doctor stripped down as well, more calmly. “Don’t humans like social grooming?”

“Yeah, this is _peak_ romance,” the human Doctor said sarcastically, but left room for the Time Lord to get in. There was a minor squabble over temperature, but the Doctor let him get away with just short of scalding.

* * *

Even with his many reservations, the metacrisis Doctor let the Time Lord bathe him with minimal fuss. He shivered and sighed like any human, though he seemed to still enjoy areas that were uniquely sensitive to Time Lords. 

The Doctor prodded curiously at the back of his pelvis. “Can you feel this? Properly, I mean.” 

The human Doctor went a bit stiff. “Not the way you can. It’s… more the memory…”

“Huh.” The Doctor slipped his other hand over his ribs, pressing between. “And this?” 

His ribs expanded and contracted in a heavy sigh. “No. And you don’t have to check everything one-by-one― this _body_ is _human.”_

The Doctor straightened and brought one hand up to hover by the other’s contact point. “Could I…?” 

An odd look crossed his features, but the human just brought his own hand up on the other side. “Contact.” 

The Time Lord pressed right back in between the ribs and was fascinated to find the sensation to be entirely neutral― neither painful nor particularly interesting. Slightly ticklish, at best. 

The human Doctor returned the gesture without prompting, and it sparked the usual cascade of sensations for the Time Lord. 

“Oh,” the human said, very quietly. The Time Lord lowered his automatic barriers, and on the next stroke, they both groaned. “Oh,” the human said again. “…Could I…?” 

The Time Lord was already nodding, and nimble fingers pressed in behind his hip, making lights go off behind their shared eyes. He could feel the sensation echoing back through human receptors, getting tangled up in the other’s oddly dedicated sex drive. 

“It’s this human body! It’s still calibrating!” the other grumbled, trying unsuccessfully to tamp it down.

“Interesting…” The Doctor could never resist an experiment. One hand slid down, cataloging the responses. 

“What’s―? _Oh!_ ”

They ended up skipping the bath.


	6. Jack/ Rose

Jack showed up for his date with Rose looking like a fairytale prince in a dark blue coat with delicately embroidered sleeves, a matching waistcoat, and trousers that looked like he’d been poured into them. Rose looked down at her usual t-shirt and jeans. “…Should I change?” 

“I would never be so bold as to tell a lady what to wear,” Jack said, grinning. “But you might find some options in the wardrobe.” 

“Might I?” Rose laughed and headed to the wardrobe where a complicated silk and lace affair was prominently displayed. “Well, this is going to take half the time just to put on,” she commented to herself.

“Good thing you’ve got help,” Jack said, right behind her. He chuckled at her jump, reaching around for the dress. “I spent centuries without zippers. Lots of practice.” 

Rose tilted her head up and back, trying to get a look at his face. “You want to dress me?” 

“Like the royalty you are!” Jack smiled down at her.

Rose grinned back, hopelessly charmed and not even fighting it. “Yeah, all right.” 

* * *

It took them a little longer than was strictly necessary to get ready, but Jack was oddly eager to go on the actual date. He threw open the TARDIS doors with a flourish. “Venezia VX! Modeled after the original during the Renaissance!” He offered an arm, nearly bowing.

Rose giggled at his theatrics, but couldn’t help looking around at the beautiful colony. “Do people actually live here? Or is this like Space Disney?” 

“Oh, it’s _very_ real,” Jack assured her, starting them off toward the canals. “Wait till you see the gondolas.” 

“We’re going on a gondola?” Rose laughed, delighted. “Jack, when did you turn into such a romantic?” 

Jack twirled her into a loose embrace. “Dame Rose, if I had the words, I would write you sonnets and serenade you by moonlight.” He kissed her hand, eyes twinkling. “Let me spoil you. Just this once.” 

“Yeah, all right.” Rose giggled again, getting flustered in spite of herself. She pulled out her lacy fan and used it to cover her blush, batting her eyes for effect. “I’m all yours.” 

Jack smiled, and his whole face lit up. “Fantastic!” 

* * *

A few hours of Jack’s best moves and Rose didn’t even know what to do with herself. “I feel like I’m getting a crush,” she giggled, blood singing. 

Jack smiled like a dream come to life and tipped her back against the low bridge, kissing her reverently. “I love you,” he said sweetly. “Let me romance you, just a little.” He had one hand at the back of her neck and his thumb stroked a slow path up and back. “Let me appreciate you for the work of art that you are.” He kissed her again, a sinfully soft press of lips. “You are beautiful,” he kissed her for emphasis, “wonderful,” another gentle brush, “brilliant,” another, “and I can’t go another moment without telling you.” 

“Oh my God,” Rose gasped, head spinning. “What’re you gonna do to me?” 

Jack smiled like a fallen angel, and dipped her back into another long kiss. 


	7. Metacrisis Doctor/ Donna

“So!” the metacrisis Doctor chirped, bouncing over to Donna. “What would you like to do? Dinner? Dancing? Dancing while dining?” 

“Something like that,” Donna said, tapping around the screen and trying to form a concept clearly enough for the TARDIS to register it. The ship ticked and burbled, and pulled up a fête in the 56th century. “Perfect!” She swung the screen around. “Can you get us tickets to this?” 

“A Fluid Fête?” the metacrisis Doctor poked into the coordinates. “What sorts of fluids?” 

“All kinds,” Donna said. “But most importantly drinks _and_ a _fluid_ take on gender.” 

The metacrisis Doctor pulled a confused but agreeable face, never quite clear on gender to begin with. “Meaning…?”

Donna grinned and spun him toward the wardrobe. “Meaning we get to dress up!” 

* * *

Donna was thoroughly enjoying her suit, but she was completely besotted with the metacrisis Doctor’s little skirt, glancing down at it on every other breath. He was more interested in the way she bit her lip while applying the eyeliner, holding his chin with one hand and taking great care with the arch. 

“Have you wanted to paint me this entire time?” he wondered aloud. 

Donna blinked, focusing properly on his eye instead of his lid. “Is it too much?” 

“You’re the one putting it on,” he pointed out. 

She gave him a Look and then carried on. “Oh, you’re fine.” 

He was, in fact, absolutely fabulous.

* * *

The Time Lord in him didn’t particularly care what he looked like, but the part-human Doctor didn’t mind the appreciative glances, especially from Donna, who seemed to be living out another costume fantasy. “Did you not have enough dolls growing up?” he couldn’t help asking.

“Oh, hush, it’s fun!” She smiled and slipped the hand on his back lower, copping a casual feel. 

“Don-na!”

She laughed and waved over another fruity drink, swapping the full glass for the partially finished one in his hand. “Come on, get in the spirit! I want to dance next. I’ll lead first!” 

The human Doctor grinned, finding it difficult to mind her flirty mood. “Do you _know_ the Venutian waltz?” 

She tipped the remains of his drink back with a cheeky grin. “Guess we’re gonna find out!” 

* * *

Donna did not, in fact, know the Venutian waltz. But she was much more interested in sneaking little touches and whispering in his ear in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. 

“What’s gotten into you?” he laughed when she pulled him back toward a semi secluded alcove.

“I never get to flirt anymore!” Donna said and fiddled with the front of his odd, silky blouse. “You don’t mind, do you?”

There was something instinctively interesting about the tilt of her head, the way she looked up through her lashes. “Am I allowed to kiss you? Or is that not part of the game?” 

Donna smiled, not at all coyly. “Suppose you could try it and find out.” 

The lipstick got _everywhere_.


	8. Doctor/ Rose

The Doctor practically bounced Rose into the control room. “Where to, Rose Tyler?” 

“Um,” she said. “How about somewhere with flowers?”

“Flowers?” the Doctor repeated, hands hovering over the controls. 

“Um,” Rose said. “Yeah, y’know. Just like a market or a greenhouse or somethin’. Not like a rainforest.”

Donna watched out of the corner of her eye as the Doctor pulled up options and immediately swiped three off. “No carnivorous plants!” 

“But they’re the largest ones!” 

Jack leaned over as well, swiping over Donna’s shoulder. “How about… Marvo II? Best living flower market for centuries!” 

The Doctor turned to Rose. “Good?” 

“Great!” 

* * *

“So…” The Doctor eyed the colorful displays. “…What would you like to, er, look at first?” 

Rose looked over both shoulders before tugging him down to where she could whisper in his ear. “How many plots do you think we can break up before the others come back for us?”

“What?” The Doctor turned his head to look at her properly. “What??” 

Rose’s whole face split into a mischievous grin. “Who’d wanna just look at _flowers?_ ” She tugged playfully at his lapel. “Wanna take bets? I bet at least one of the flowers turns out to be sentient.”

The Doctor’s face stretched into a matching grin. “Rose Tyler, you are _brilliant!_ ” He snatched her hand into his. “Which way first?” 

Rose pointed to the left and they ran off, laughing. 

* * *

The flowers weren’t sentient, but the blue bulbs _were_ being harvested from a society that believed they were sacred. So naturally they put a stop to that. After some colorful negotiations. In more ways than one. 

They both ended up with flowers braided into their hair (Rose more successfully), and there was a non-zero chance that they’d started a minor religious sect of their own, but the Doctor assured her it was harmless. Mostly. 

They toddled back to the TARDIS, giddily bumping hips and elbows. 

“Just like old times!” the Doctor proclaimed, beaming. And Rose couldn’t keep from going up on her toes to give him a quick kiss. Just a peck, really. 

She half expected him to duck away, maybe pat her on the head, but he smiled against her lips and raised cool hands to gently cup her face. 

“Maybe not _just_ like old times,” he admitted, when she finally had to back off or risk a cramp from standing on tippy toes. 

She couldn’t help asking, “Still good though, yeah?”

“Oh, yes!” he said, and beamed like sunrise.


	9. Jack/ Donna

Jack turned a charming smile on Donna. “And where would _you_ like to go? Dinner at the Ritz? An interactive opera in six dimensions?” 

“Opera?” Donna laughed. “How old do you think I am? No, don’t answer that!” She held up an authoritative hand, but beckoned him over with the other. “That flower talk gave me an idea…” 

Jack came up behind her, peering over her shoulder. “Have you ever been to Verenem Major?”

His head jerked down. “You want a dose of sex pollen??” 

“Only if that works for you,” Donna said, angling back to look up at him.

“Oh, it absolutely works for me! God, no wonder everyone kept you away from me for so long!”

“We don’t have to!”

“What?” Jack flashed a charming grin. “How could I turn _this_ down? Just give me…” his head bobbled, “seven minutes to stretch and fetch some extra prophylactics from the medbay.” 

Donna frowned. “But we’re all already on―“

“Trust me,” Jack said, already stretching his arms. “We’ll want the maximum security stuff.” He disappeared down the corridor. “Be right back! Don’t forget your hamstrings!” 

* * *

Donna set the ship on course and Jack returned as they were landing. He presented her with a prophylactic hypospray, some sort of electrolyte-laced energy drink, and an odd, gauzy thing, somewhere between a robe and a wrap dress. Donna took it all with a raised brow. “Not your first time then?” 

“First time I’ve been _asked_ first,” Jack said, and tossed back his own energy drink, tying his robe loosely at the waist. 

Donna had started to take her own jumper off, but she hesitated at that. “Er. We obviously don’t have to. You know that, right?” 

“Oh, I _want_ to!” Jack said, but dropped his grin down to something more natural. “Consensual sex pollen? Best date I’ve been offered in years!” He stepped over, tugging at the hem of her top. “May I?”

Donna nodded and was promptly stripped. “…Am I going to need a safeword?” 

“Mine’s Leipzig,” Jack said and helped her out of her trousers as well. “Want to keep the underwear?” It was already painfully obvious how he’d made that call for himself. 

“…Are we going to need to talk to people?” Donna asked. Her borrowed recollection of facts didn’t exactly go into first-hand accounts. 

“Not a soul,” Jack smiled. “And if you’re worried about support…” His large hands cupped her. “I could be of service there as well?” 

“Oh, God,” Donna groaned and stripped the rest of the way off, only remembering the robe when Jack coaxed her into the sleeves. 

“You pick that safeword?” 

“Adipose,” Donna picked the first word that came to mind. “And you were Leipzig?” 

“Adipose and Leipzig,” Jack confirmed, kneading her chest in his warm grip. “Ready for an experience?” 

They barely made it out the door. 

* * *

They woke up in the medbay with matching hydration drips and both Doctors tutting around. 

“How did we get back to the TARDIS?” Donna mumbled into her pillow, which happened to be Jack’s chest. 

“Indecorously,” the metacrisis Doctor said. 

“Sounds right,” Jack slurred, and dragged Donna the rest of the way on top of himself.

“No one told _me_ sex pollen was on the table,” Rose pointed out, too busy grinning to sound properly accusatory. 

“Don’t even _say_ the word sex to me right now,” Donna groaned. Jack didn’t even open his eyes. 

The Doctor added another hydration drip. 


	10. Metacrisis Doctor/ Rose

On the last day, Rose wasted no time propositioning the human Doctor. “Let’s have sex in everyone else’s beds.” 

“What? Why??” 

She blinked at him. “Do we need a _reason?”_

He shrugged, smiled, and took her hand. “Which one first?”

* * *

They started with Donna’s room, which happened to be closest. They were immediately met with a sleepily slurred, “Whatever it is, the answer is no.” Which nearly scared them out of their skins.

Rose yanked the door shut. “Forgot she was here!” 

“Knew I should’ve studied that chart!” the metacrisis Doctor said. 

They stared at each other for a moment and then dissolved into giggles.

“I can _hear_ you!” Donna called grumpily from the other side. 

“Start with Jack’s room?” the human Doctor suggested. 

“Jack’s room sounds good!”

* * *

Jack’s room was surprisingly spartan, but his nightstands were well-stocked. As was the box under his bed. And the one in his ensuite. 

The metacrisis Doctor poked through the paraphernalia. “Does Jack think the Universe is going to just stop producing sex toys and he has a limited time to buy them all up?”

Rose picked up something that was shaped like a Buddha’s hand citron. “Looks like he also thinks he might grow some new bits along the way… Is that something he can do?” 

The human Doctor carefully replaced that item. “Probably not a question we want an answer to.” He plucked a much more standard vibrating ring out of the lot. “Now this…” he popped the ring in and out of his own mouth, “This could work.” 

Rose laughed and let him roll her into the middle of the bed. 

* * *

They circled back to Donna’s room, only to get another, louder, “No!” 

A pillow sailed out, nearly getting the metacrisis Doctor right in the face. 

“She never used to be this tetchy about people in her room,” the human Doctor grumbled. 

“We’ve still got other rooms,” Rose said optimistically. 

* * *

The Doctor’s room was as chaotic as ever, looking like it had been raided by pirates and then hit with a Category 4 hurricane. 

“Does this one even count?” the human Doctor asked, already unbuttoning his jacket. “It’s _my_ room too.”

Rose considered that while she pulled her shirt off. “Let’s do it on his workbench,” she suggested. “He spends more time there than in the bed anyway.” 

The metacrisis Doctor pulled off his own shirt and trousers, but couldn’t help asking, “Is this a common human ritual?” 

Rose laughed at his adorable face. “Is _any_ of this common??” She tugged down her jeans and hopped up on the bench. “It’s fun though, yeah?” 

He’d have been hard-pressed to disagree.

* * *

They actually made it into Donna’s room on their next try, but it was because she was passed out in the middle of her bed. 

“This might be a complication,” the human Doctor said, eyeing Donna like a sleeping dragon. 

He looked at Rose who shrugged. “My room?” 

* * *

Rose’s room wasn’t quite as soft and fluffy as it had been when she first came aboard, but it was still a far cry from standard military. She tugged him right over to the bed. 

“This one definitely doesn’t count,” the human Doctor said, but sat down anyway. “It’s just having sex in your room.” 

“My room is perfectly nice!” Rose said, and toed a rogue crisp bag under the nightstand. 

“Course it is,” he said, and discretely removed something crinkly from between the pillows. 

“It’s Jack’s fault! He’s messier than I am! He’s just never _in_ his room!” She tossed her clothes off toward a growing pile in the corner. 

“Quite right,” he said and settled carefully in the center of the bed. 

* * *

Donna was still passed out in her bed, but this time they just crawled in with her. She flopped over, immediately spooning the human Doctor. “Don’t wake me.” 

Rose snuggled in on his other side and dropped a kiss on the back of her hand. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

The metacrisis Doctor gave her a wide-eyed look. “I’m not sure I can…”

Rose smiled and kissed his worried face. “Maybe when we all wake up?” 

He looked ridiculously relieved, but tried to mask it. “Whatever you want.” He pulled her in with both arms. 


	11. Doctor/ Jack

The Doctor approached Jack warily. “I’m not taking sexual enhancers.” 

“Oh, God no,” Jack groaned. “Not for _hours_. I think I lost bone marrow density at the end there.” 

“What?!” 

“Just a joke, just a joke.” Jack rolled his neck, wincing at the crack. “Wouldn’t mind taking it easy for a bit though.” 

The Doctor perked up. “Perhaps a proper trip?” 

Jack smiled like he was the cutest thing he’d seen in a century. “Somewhere we can see the stars?” he suggested. 

The Doctor hopped around the controls. “The starfields of the Castor System?” 

“Perfect,” Jack beamed. 

* * *

They set off for a jaunt around one of the more hospitable moons, equipped with unobtrusive respirators, overcoats, and higher-than-standard tolerance for the cold. The Doctor caught Jack’s hand as soon as they stepped out and the immortal didn’t mention the gloves in his pocket. 

“Multiple star systems are uncommon even by my standards,” the Doctor chattered away. “Had they worked out the science by your century? I can’t recall.” 

“Which century would you consider to be _my_ century?” Jack asked wryly. “I have a collection by now.” 

“Ah…” The Doctor’s hand stiffened and Jack immediately recalibrated. 

“I think they had it worked out by the 32nd.” He grimaced before adding, “…If I’m remembering my history right. It’s been awhile!” 

“Quite,” the Doctor said, still a bit tense. 

Jack squeezed his hand and pulled him closer on the next step, pointing over his shoulder at some arbitrary cluster of stars. “Any fun facts about those?” 

The Doctor followed his finger, not seeming to register the arm sneaking around for a casual embrace. “Fairly standard white dwarves,” he said.

Jack pointed with his other hand, conveniently needing to reach across to do it. “And that one?” 

“Might be a red dwarf off to the left,” the Doctor said and then glanced down at Jack’s arms. “Are you cold?” 

“Not particularly,” Jack said, and pulled him in more snugly. 

The Doctor glanced down and up two more times before his lips twitched, catching on. “You don’t have to _con_ me into hugging you,” he said dryly, and turned toward him, wrapping his arms around properly. 

Jack felt a ridiculous flutter in his ancient chest, pressed snugly against the wandering soul he’d spent so many years searching for. The slim frame was surprisingly solid, as always. Slender arms held him firmly, but so gently, like Jack was the one spun out of glass and starlight. 

The Doctor sighed, but it was more content than exasperated. “If you want something, you can just ask.”

Jack swallowed hopefully. “A starlit kiss?” 

The Doctor chuckled and he felt it in his chest and on his neck. He leaned back just enough to align. And Jack got his kiss under the stars. 


	12. Back Together

They all reconvened in the galley, where the TARDIS had set out some sort of sparkling ginger drink. 

“So,” Donna started. “...What did we think? Should we… recap or…?”

They all exchanged looks and then Jack reached for the glasses. “Probably best not to kiss and tell, right?” 

“Oh, is _that_ what you’re going with now?” the metacrisis Doctor crowed, but took the glass from him. “You realize you didn’t _magically_ teleport from Verenem Major to the medbay, yes?” 

“Anyway,” Donna interrupted, shoving a glass at the Time Lord. “Shall we toast?” 

“Happy Anniversary!” Rose said, holding her glass up. 

“Many Happy Returns!” the Doctor added.

“That’s for birthdays,” Donna pointed out.

“Cheers,” the metacrisis Doctor said. 

Jack shook his head. “Bit generic.” 

“What was _wrong_ with Happy Anniversary?” Rose asked.

“...Happy Anniversary!” 


End file.
